i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
