He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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