I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize