I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
