white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
