if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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