Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
