omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
