No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
