If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
