He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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