I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
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I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
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I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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