So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
