Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander