im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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