I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
