wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You can't just leave with hair like that
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
