Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
How external is "for external use only"?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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