her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
