this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
not ubering you a puppy
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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