i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
