alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
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The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
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I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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