just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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