I just made out with a guy for $7.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
There's always time for handjobs
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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