He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
