We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Randomize
