I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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