I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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