I wish you could order shots online.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
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