I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
you mean i was at the winter classic?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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