just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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