Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
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It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
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Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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