I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
