You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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