The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
