that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
