tell your sister to shave her snatch
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
