what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
