i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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