Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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