Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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