you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
