that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
