just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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