I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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