we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
