Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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