Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
