dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
