I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
