i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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