there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
