ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I came so hard my ears popped.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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