Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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