Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
NoShamevember. You game?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
