Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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