Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
