Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize