Your face is a jimmy john
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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