he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
