Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
We have started to decorate penises.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
