Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Randomize
