Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
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I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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