Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
