I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
